UMPH!

ok, I have a couple friends in relationships with guys they shouldn't be with. Why shouldn't they be with them you ask. Are these guys jerks, treat them badly etc. etc.?The answer, No, these are nice guys my friends nice girls but there's no UMPH!

What's UMPH? UMPH is that tingling in your stomach when the person is close to you. UMPH is aching to be near someone when they are away. UMPH is every cell in your body jumping for joy when you see that special someone from across a room. UMPH is what makes men and women see the good in those that others have marked as hopeless. UMPH is what I can't and won't live w/out!...UMPH is what im willing to wait a lifetime for. UMPH is what makes me hope and dream,

If u aint got no UMPH you aint got NADA! Don't waste time on someone who aint UMPHING the shit out of u:)

Love For Sale

The past three days I've watched a LOT O TV, (not really proud o this but sometimes you just need to veg) and movies and a prominent theme prevails,LOVE. From Sex and the City to 2012 to the Santa Clause. Every single movie, special or sitcom is centered around the power of love. Not just ordinary love, it's mountain moving, life changing, can't live without you love and after watching your like "what the heck?" how come that shit never happens to me. It always seems to happen for other people, but what about me? Where's my prince? Where's my poor black kid from the projects? Where's my Mr. Big?

All I seem to be surrounded by is exes with new GF's who want to take ME away for a romantic wknd(I said no!)? disgruntled supervisors, macho men, narrow minded men, emotionally unavailable men, married men(Again NO!), short buses and a little brother who couldn't wait to see me so that I could give him $60 bux for some video game crap. Is my movie Love hiding or does it simply just not exist? Did the movie industry invent it to make money? Are we all just waiting to be swept off our feet in vain?....

I hope not, I hope it exists, Im gonna be patient and hold out for it. I have been lucky enough to catch a rare glimpse of this elusive power. My parents, some close friends and others have been smart,privliged and lucky enough to have been bestowed. I hope I'm worthy. I know iv'e broken my share of hearts but ive learned,, Ive been better I thnk I've had my share of losers too and know that karmicaly my debts should be paid. Now it's all about being patient and loving myself.

Funny Things I heard and Said today

Me-"mom u think Israel(my lil bro) still virgin.
Mom-"Mija I dnt want to talk about such things...but he probably is because he has the benefit of releasing himself."
Me-..What did you say?

Psychos and the people who love them...

R both crazy!:)

Sweet and Sour Sex

Getting spanked during sex is like eating sweet and sour pork, the sour sting of the spank compliments the sweet tingling in the nether regions, thats why when spanking or getting spanked its best to do it hard so as to create a greater, stronger sweet and sour effect:)...just some food for thought;)

If you let the past dictate your present then you single handedly FUCK your future

I had a friend who was fun open minded smart and cool but after 6 short months of friendship I dumped her or she dumped me but I caused it. Why would I dump such a cool person? 4 words...she was a downer!...

********Insensitivity Disclaimer***************
When my friend was a young girl she was molested by a relative,tragic I know, and I had no problem listening to her sob story but after weeks and weeks of the same old story I grew weary. She blamed her 250pds on him, she blamed her innability to do well in school on him, she blamed him when she stayed home night after night feeling sorry for herself and stuffing her face. Everything that went wrong in her life was his fault. I eventually told her she needed to get over it and she "dumped me" which was fine by me.

I wasn't marginalizing her feelings when I uttered these words I was just trying to get her to see that 12years later the person she blamed for her distress was dead and buried and she was still letting him win. She was letting him dictate her future.

It boggles my mind to see people let past relationships,experiences, moments,events affect how they live. People are walking around avoiding life and love because of something or someone in the past. What makes me laugh is that the people and experiences that hurt you/us are long gone, married, having kids experiecing joy LIVING their lives and some of us remain stagnant because of them. We are blinded to new joys,realities,relationships and opportunities.

When you let fear dictate how much you love, live or do then you've let the past win, you let the antagonist antagonize you forever.

People with baggage eventually drown if they don't let go. They drown in fat, booze, drugs, sadness and despair.The sad thing is that some of these amazingly beautiful and talented people drown alone they never let anyone in, they become empty shells. When you attach yourself to someone with baggage its best to detach and let them fix themselves for fear of being dragged down with them.

Smart people learn from their mistakes, Wise people learn from other peoples mistakes. I choose to learn from this friend and "DANCE".I wont live in fear of getting hurt, rejected, of failing,
I will still give 110 percent to love life and happiness, I will still dream and hope, I refuse to grow old and synical, I refuse to let a couple of bad seeds, bad decisions, bad relationships, or tragedies keep me from loving and living.I choose to learn from them instead. Life is not about playing it safe. GO BIG OR GO HOME!

If Martin Luther King, Harvey Milk and JFK would have been afraid of assasination then where would we be?
If Romeo would have stayed away from Juliet from fear of her family then what?
If Oprah had stayed away from the camera for fear of being ridiculed about her weight she'd still be somewhere in Georgia sellin chitlins!

When you dream big you get big :)

Im happy when...

I feel sexy
when I'm somewhere new
when I'm belly dancing
when I'm on a plane
when I'm with my family
when I get flowers just because.
when I'm surprised.
when I can help someone who really needs it.
when I am loved
when I am free
when I am with friends
when I AM

San Jose is...

safe
warm
organized
family
technology
peaceful
innovative
sleepy
culture
chips
highways
byways
comforting
familiar

Oakland is...

a drunk black midget on a scooter asking for your number
old
humble
chinese women going to the market with their visors and surgical masks
diverse
breeezy
open minded
colorful
beautiful
full of life
energy
fear
violence
optimism
hope

LA

LA is plastic
sunny
dirty
insecure
fake
an illusion
a dream
a fantasy
a blonde w/ fake tits
a pretentious party
immigrants
poor
humble
beautiful
exciting
gay
oversexed
hyper
smart
innovative
stylish
smoggy
bipolar
stagnant
anxious
eager
a gamble
a seducer
eve
jealous of NY:)

There is something unnatural about....

There is something unnatural about a generation of women who feel they have to pull poke and stuff themselves with silicone to be beautiful.
There is something unnatural about a generation of men who feel this is ideal.
There is something unnatural about a society who looks outside to be happy.
There is something unnatural about rules.
There is something unnatural about people being afraid of love.
There is something unnatural about sitting in an office 8 hrs a day.
There is something unnatural about someone else buying your time.
There is something unnatural about thinking that you NEED money to make you happy or complete.
There is something unnatural about thinking that you are better than anyone else.
There is something unnatural about wanting to be better than someone else.
There is something unnatural about sitting in a classroom eight hours a day.
There is something unnatural about pretending to not be interested in someone so that they will like you more.
There is something unnatural about a television set raising your children.
There is something unnatural about love turning you off.
There is something unnatural about fear yet so many people live it everyday of their lives.
There is something unnatural about always wanting more and not being satisfied with what you have.
There is something unnatural about being afraid of sacrificing to get what you want.
There is something unnatural about not wanting to be loved or hugged or kissed or touched, it is the greatest sadness i think anyone can experience.
There is something unnatural about having to pay to get health care.
There is something unnatural about wanting everything handed to you on a silver platter.
There is something unnatural in organized religion.
There is something unnatural about the world we live in, yet we close our eyes and pretend...that everything is A OK!

I inherited more than just a killer smile.....

I spent the day w/ my dad, talking to him, drinking w/ him, and realizing, for the very first time, that I am the female version of him. I am just as hot tempered and impulsive as he was. So today, I asked him, I said, "Dad, when you feel the anger boil up inside you and your ready to explode and your sensible side is saying,'don't do it', don't do it' and you do it anyway what do you do?....and I got the best answer.....My father said that when he was in his 20's at the verge of suicide, he saw a psychiatrist that told him, "every morning you wake up, you thank god for the day, and you ask God to take your pain, and your frustrations and your impulses and your anger away, just for that day", and I said"I dont thnk I have that much faith, and he said by admitting you dont have faith, you have it"...Then I cried, Id never been able to cry in front of my dad, I felt Id always have to be storng in front of him. He just hugged me, said it would be ok. and told me to be patient. I believed him. I hope I can be a better more caring patient person....I want to have faith...I reallly do......

He's just not that into me/you...and that's O freakin K cause in abt 10 min the next guy will be:)

Patience....Patience...Patience is all I hear when It comes to men. I hate being patient, It pisses me off! why can't people just tell you how they feel and that's it, why does it always have to be a game of cat and mouse? Why can't I just be a mind reader?

Day after day women ( and by women I mean me:) over analyze and over think every gesture phrase or body movement a man they are interested in makes and they really shouldn't bother.

New rule if a guy sticks his tongue down your throat and keeps asking you out he likes you and if he doesnt he doesn't...but as a gender we really need to stop stressin over it because what they say is really true, "men our lk buses, there's a new one every fifteen minutes, and if u have really big boobs they come every 5.;)

Friends

They say miracles happen when you least expect them...2 years ago I was at the lowest point in my life, my dreams were in the shitter, I'd set out to do something that I didn't fully acomplish, I'd moved home after having spent 5 long years in a place that i was certain would deliver on my investment but didn't.

The day I moved home I cried so hard I couldn't breathe,I was so emotional I had to leave to my favorite park to escape my parents worried stares and whispers. I thought my life was over and for the rest of my life i'd be nothing more than ordinary when in my heart I KNEW I was extraordinary.

After settling in, I found a temp job as a receptionist and for the first 3 weeks I wanted to slit my wrists. I couldnt stand the idea of asking someone younger than me if I could go pee or if I could step away. I cringed every time someone asked me to do something and I hated taking orders, it seemed unnatural. A month into my job I made a great new friend who kept my spirits up and helped me laugh away the day and encouraged me to keep following my heart.

I followed her advice and 2 months later I was at a better job with a lot more freedom and new friends. My second job seemed like a series of play dates, I spent everyday laughing and joking the day away w/ great people, they listened to my guy troubles, therapized me, worked through my neurosis and joined me in criticizing the DOUCHES! and or supervisors:) and encouraged me. For the first time in my life I didnt feel lk slitting my wrists three weeks in, the wrist slitting feelings still came, but much later and were more bearable.

Im now into my third "job" and third set of friends, Professionally I'm not where I want to be but I'm closer and Ive met some great people along the way, people so extraordinary that they take my breath away,People who I can laugh with sooo hard it makes my stomach hurt,People who care and love so hard it makes me want to care, People who I can cry with and share with without judgement. They say sometimes its not about the destination but about the journey and ive never fully agreed with that until this moment. I thank GOD the Universe whoever and whatever brought me back home because I have never been happier and never learned sooo much. The treasure u seek is truly in your backyard...Namaste...LMAO!

Sex and The City Girls Whores???

Why does every guy I know refer to the Sex and the City girls as whores?

They're not whores, they are professional women who take charge of their sex lives.They don't let men dictate when and where they will have sex. I guess men can't handle a woman taking control of her own sex life, so the only way to make themselves feel better about the loss of power is to label them whores. Or their just jealous that girls can get more sex in a day than they can get in a year. Either way, it's wrong to label someone a whore just because they enjoy sex and embrace their sexuality.

I say bravo ladies, you're not whores you're heroes and Samantha's not a slut she's a playa....who likes to crush a lot:)

Men are like Pens

So, I broke up with a guy because he wasn't as passionate as I wanted him to be. I mean, he was an OK boyfriend, he bought me good presents, respected date night, was willing to meet my friends, introduced me to his, but it all seemed very robotic if that makes any sort of sense.

What led me to finally break up with him was, I went to Costa Rica for a week and when I came back he wasn't dying to see me or even talk to me. As a matter of fact,when I got back all I received was a "welcome back" text. Not only that, but instead of asking me to meet up with him over the weekend or early in the week he made other plans and told me he would just see me the next Friday. Now maybe I'm crazy, but is it wrong for me to expect a little more attention from my boyfriend????

Now, If we were just dating that would be no problem, but this is a guy who gave me "the title" and then didn't live up to it.

Now about men being like pens, my lovely friend Jules pointed out that maybe this poor shmuck was offering me a "blue" pen when I really wanted a "red", and sometimes you need to think whether its worth throwing a whole relationship away over one wrong hand off? I say yes you can't grade a paper with a blue pen you just can't!

Pervonella

Lately, It seems that every guy I go out with is tainted in some way shape or form.I dont exactly know whos tainting them. Maybe it's their mom or their ex-girlfriends or shows on MTV,but they are definitely coming out of the plant with some form of Pervonella poisoning.

Ok, so what do I mean by tainted...Im getting there . I promise. Alright so the last couple of guys I've dated have done this weird thing where they talk dirty to me literally within the first two weeks of getting to know eachother. Keep in mind, there has not been a first date and in both cases I hadnt even kissed the guy.

Now, I am not a prude in any sense of the word, in fact many of my friends say that Im actually the Samantha of the group, but having a guy I just met text me, if i'm a "naughty girl" and if i need a "spanking" is just not cool. The guy who took the cake though was the one who, and I quote, asked if he was going to "get some milk "after he took me to Benihanas (he was referring to my DD's). Remember Benihanas was supposed to be our FIRST DATE!

Sadly, I am not the only one who has encountered a man with a case of Pervonella. My friend, went out with a guy who refused to kiss her unless she could ensure him that he would get sex....after the first date! After my friend walked out of the car and slammed the door in his face he brilliantly text her, "Can I get some head at least?"....In the words of my super expressive sister..."AAAAAAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

A note to guys reading this. Introducing strong sexual innuendos at the early stages of dating is going to get you A. slapped, B. no return call and or txt, C. Door Slammed in Face and definitely NO BOOTY!!!