Only in Oakland are crackheads actively recruited as part of your local neighborhood watch.
Only in Oakland do you get hit on regularly by Asian guys.
Only in Oakland will you see two guys drunk in a tree debating politics.
Only in Oakland can you walk to work and see a magnificent lake and a magnificent pile of puke all within the same 40 minutes.
Only in Oakland do you see a crew of ducks led by one bad ass white duck with a fro and black and purple spots.
Only in Oakland can you get hit on by a drunk midget on a scooter.
Only in Oakland can you tell off your boss and not get fired.
Only in Oakland will you not get mocked for loving a football team that sucks harder than Jenna Jamison.
Only in Oakland can you start a riot just to steal shoes and weed
Only in Oakland can you run reds, speed, talk on your cell phone and race your car in front of a cop and not get pulled over.
Only in Oakland will a robber be thoughtful enough to lock up your car and roll up your windows after he steals your IPOD.
Only in Oakland can you truly escape into the present.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Where does your greatness lie?
Lately, I've been feeling this insatiable need to do something FANTASTIC, DIFFERENT, GREAT...but where do I get it? What do I do? and how do I do it? Where do people like Frida Kahlo, Bill Gates, Stephen Hawking get it.
I wonder if most people go through life wondering where there greatness lies? We are all in fact great. We are all divine. At least, thats what I have read. I guess true greatness can only manifest itself through our passion and our passion comes from our talent. The trick is to find your talent ....hmm I guess that is where I get stuck. I don't know what I am truly good at. I have such a short attention span. I haven't stuck with anything long enough to see if I'm truly good at it.
I guess I love to live and to experience new things. I'm talented at that. I have a passion for that. So does that make me great?...Last time I checked they weren't making movies about crazy little loud mouthed Mexican girls that get in a lot of trouble and manage to come out clean.
I think you have to be destined for it. People are put in your path to help you and encourage you and inspire you to be great. For example, Sean Parker was just put on Mark Zuckerberg's path. It seems to much like fate. I dunno, I'm just rambling, rumbling, thinking will I be great, can I be great, what am I destined for. Because I thnk, I feel Im destined for something GREAT. It's just waiting to be awaken within....Maybe we all are.
I wonder if most people go through life wondering where there greatness lies? We are all in fact great. We are all divine. At least, thats what I have read. I guess true greatness can only manifest itself through our passion and our passion comes from our talent. The trick is to find your talent ....hmm I guess that is where I get stuck. I don't know what I am truly good at. I have such a short attention span. I haven't stuck with anything long enough to see if I'm truly good at it.
I guess I love to live and to experience new things. I'm talented at that. I have a passion for that. So does that make me great?...Last time I checked they weren't making movies about crazy little loud mouthed Mexican girls that get in a lot of trouble and manage to come out clean.
I think you have to be destined for it. People are put in your path to help you and encourage you and inspire you to be great. For example, Sean Parker was just put on Mark Zuckerberg's path. It seems to much like fate. I dunno, I'm just rambling, rumbling, thinking will I be great, can I be great, what am I destined for. Because I thnk, I feel Im destined for something GREAT. It's just waiting to be awaken within....Maybe we all are.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Please tell my heart.....
My mind knows that death is a part of life...but my heart doesn't.
My mind says that it is only a transition and I will see her again....my heart says please don't go.
My mind says that if the inevitable happens we will all go on and be ok....my heart will be broken forever.
My mind says that I have to be strong....my heart aches every time I look in her face.
My mind says she will be ok...my heart studies her face for traces of death.
My mind says show no fear...my heart is scared.
Please tell my heart what my mind already knows, Please tell it, Scream it, Inbed it, For everytime I look in her eyes my heart sees the sadness and the fear and it cries in silence, It screams, It thinks the mind lies. How will I ever convince my heart that it will all be ok? How will I ever go back and feel the same? When will my heart catch up with my mind. When will my heart be kind?
I ask her this, my sister, my soulmate, my heart, what will I do? Who will love me like you?, and she says, very simply,"Tell your heart it will be ok, tell it over and over again, tell it and tell it until it believes it is true, tell it that no matter where I am I will always love you, Love never dies and you will carry me there,In your heart, for your heart is my heart and we will never part, this is whats true."
My mind says that it is only a transition and I will see her again....my heart says please don't go.
My mind says that if the inevitable happens we will all go on and be ok....my heart will be broken forever.
My mind says that I have to be strong....my heart aches every time I look in her face.
My mind says she will be ok...my heart studies her face for traces of death.
My mind says show no fear...my heart is scared.
Please tell my heart what my mind already knows, Please tell it, Scream it, Inbed it, For everytime I look in her eyes my heart sees the sadness and the fear and it cries in silence, It screams, It thinks the mind lies. How will I ever convince my heart that it will all be ok? How will I ever go back and feel the same? When will my heart catch up with my mind. When will my heart be kind?
I ask her this, my sister, my soulmate, my heart, what will I do? Who will love me like you?, and she says, very simply,"Tell your heart it will be ok, tell it over and over again, tell it and tell it until it believes it is true, tell it that no matter where I am I will always love you, Love never dies and you will carry me there,In your heart, for your heart is my heart and we will never part, this is whats true."
Sunday, September 5, 2010
DO YOU!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=431GYmUbldg
Now that I have decided to stop dating and all the pesky penis distractions are through, I can follow my passion 100percent. I fed a baby yesterday, about 30 seconds in I took a phone call. The bottle fell out of the babies mouth and the mom came back to snatch it away from me. Later that day I walked away from a good relationship. Same guy once told me I was good at dating but bad at relationships. I agree, and because I have decided that men and babies are not in my future, I can follow my passion 110 percent without any pesky distractions.
Being alone is freeing, when your dating the wrong guy your always worried about how your going to break his heart, and when your dating the right guy your always worried about how he is going to break yours. Better alone and stress free!
Now that I have decided to stop dating and all the pesky penis distractions are through, I can follow my passion 100percent. I fed a baby yesterday, about 30 seconds in I took a phone call. The bottle fell out of the babies mouth and the mom came back to snatch it away from me. Later that day I walked away from a good relationship. Same guy once told me I was good at dating but bad at relationships. I agree, and because I have decided that men and babies are not in my future, I can follow my passion 110 percent without any pesky distractions.
Being alone is freeing, when your dating the wrong guy your always worried about how your going to break his heart, and when your dating the right guy your always worried about how he is going to break yours. Better alone and stress free!
Im Sorry I can't, Don't Hate Me
Breaking up is hard, and believe it or not, being the dumper is harder than being the dumpee.
When you get dumped, your allowed to hate the other person, call them names, wish them the worst, plot their horribly painful death. Hmmmm, never realized how spiteful I am...I mean when your the dumpee you get to send the loser love and light and thank God for the divine intervention.Better:).
Now, when you have to dump someone, thats tough. Very tough. Not only because you suddenly become the receiver of the wrath of a man scorned, but you genuinely feel bad when you couldn't bring yourself to love the person who offered you the world on a silver platter. I guess if I could just love the guys who kissed my ass my life wouldn't be so complicated.Instead, I hurt these men and leave them broken hearted... merr:(.
I admire and pity the people who see someones good qualities, despite the fact that they are not physically attracted to the other person. They see the potential, stick it out and let the feelings develop and grow. Not me, I physically can't. It pains me to sit through conversations and dinner across from people who make me want to do anything else but kiss them. "How do these people do it?", I wonder,Is the drive for a mate so strong that they "settle". Well, I would rather be alone than not be with someone who gives me butterflies when I see them. Someone who makes me smile by just sitting there, someone who makes me want to kiss them all day.
I stay single in the hope, that one day I will meet the person who makes me feel like this and who I make feel like this in return. The guy who gives me flowers and I don't automatically feel like throwing them in his face cause I think he's being cheesey,complaining about the color, the amnt, the type. One Day.
All I know, is I won't settle because, I'm a certain age and I should. I feel 5 again. When I'm on a "perfect" date, all i'm thinking is,"I don't want this! I don't want this! I don't want this!....Sometimes I think somethings wrong with me. Why don't I want what everyone wants? Why do I throw the "list" guys away...You know the list you made right after you saw the secret.The list that specifies all the qualities your dreamboat will posess. The secret works I've been dating list guy after list guy and I DONT WANT THEM!...Again I dunnno.
I just ask that you forgive me and at least appreciate my honesty, because really, you were PERFECT, just not perfect for me.
Ive learned something this last year, about love. Love isn't a list. It isn't a set of qualities. It isn't the amount in a bank. It isn't kissing someones butt. It isn't the right clothes or smell. It just is or it isn't, like a force of nature,You just feel it or you don't. Also, even more interesting, you can love someone who doesnt feel the same thing in return. Love is magical and scary and I won't settle for anything less than the butterflies;) And you shouldn't settle for someone who doesn't feel them in return. Never try to make someone Love You.For men, Its a waste of money and for women, a waste of time. Most important lesson Ive learned in the last 6 months.
When you get dumped, your allowed to hate the other person, call them names, wish them the worst, plot their horribly painful death. Hmmmm, never realized how spiteful I am...I mean when your the dumpee you get to send the loser love and light and thank God for the divine intervention.Better:).
Now, when you have to dump someone, thats tough. Very tough. Not only because you suddenly become the receiver of the wrath of a man scorned, but you genuinely feel bad when you couldn't bring yourself to love the person who offered you the world on a silver platter. I guess if I could just love the guys who kissed my ass my life wouldn't be so complicated.Instead, I hurt these men and leave them broken hearted... merr:(.
I admire and pity the people who see someones good qualities, despite the fact that they are not physically attracted to the other person. They see the potential, stick it out and let the feelings develop and grow. Not me, I physically can't. It pains me to sit through conversations and dinner across from people who make me want to do anything else but kiss them. "How do these people do it?", I wonder,Is the drive for a mate so strong that they "settle". Well, I would rather be alone than not be with someone who gives me butterflies when I see them. Someone who makes me smile by just sitting there, someone who makes me want to kiss them all day.
I stay single in the hope, that one day I will meet the person who makes me feel like this and who I make feel like this in return. The guy who gives me flowers and I don't automatically feel like throwing them in his face cause I think he's being cheesey,complaining about the color, the amnt, the type. One Day.
All I know, is I won't settle because, I'm a certain age and I should. I feel 5 again. When I'm on a "perfect" date, all i'm thinking is,"I don't want this! I don't want this! I don't want this!....Sometimes I think somethings wrong with me. Why don't I want what everyone wants? Why do I throw the "list" guys away...You know the list you made right after you saw the secret.The list that specifies all the qualities your dreamboat will posess. The secret works I've been dating list guy after list guy and I DONT WANT THEM!...Again I dunnno.
I just ask that you forgive me and at least appreciate my honesty, because really, you were PERFECT, just not perfect for me.
Ive learned something this last year, about love. Love isn't a list. It isn't a set of qualities. It isn't the amount in a bank. It isn't kissing someones butt. It isn't the right clothes or smell. It just is or it isn't, like a force of nature,You just feel it or you don't. Also, even more interesting, you can love someone who doesnt feel the same thing in return. Love is magical and scary and I won't settle for anything less than the butterflies;) And you shouldn't settle for someone who doesn't feel them in return. Never try to make someone Love You.For men, Its a waste of money and for women, a waste of time. Most important lesson Ive learned in the last 6 months.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Bestest Besties...Diary of a BFF whore:)
My sisters best friend once said, "If Jeannette ever murders anyone I will be scolding her and telling her how wrong she was as Im driving her to the border to freedom"
Now that is a best friend!...Someone who can tell you, that you are wrong while still encouraging you and supporting you. I recently had someone claim to be my best friend in one sentence and in the other do everything in their power to hurt my feelings. I put up with this for a couple of months in an effort to be a forgiving and understanding bestie.
The day finally came when this person hit so low that I could forgive but not forget. When someone hurts you intentionally there is nothing they could ever say to erase the putrid feeling that they caused in the moment they spewed their vicious words.
I feel sorry for people who spew hate in moments of anger and expect others to forgive them just as quickly. Its like someone famous once said, "people will forget what you said but they will never forget how you made them feel." That is the key. Whether you meant what you said or not, whether you were sorry or not, the imprint of your words does not fade as fast as your anger.
I hope that by witholding my friendship towards this person they learn to treat those they love with more respect. Choose their words wisely and think twice before they decide to be hurtful. I hope in the end what I did benefits my once bestie for the better even if she continues to spread lies out of anger it doesn't bother me.
The good news is, that like beyonce says "for every person that hates me there are 100 more that love me and I love them"...My experience with the defective bestie made me appreciate those men and women who do deserve the title of bestie, who have earned my love and respect and who I try to tell everyday!
To All my Besties with LOVE!...I may not tell you everyday but I carry all of you in my heart!
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Sky Diving is like Dying.
Ok, so the day that I woke up to go sky diving I was soooo nervous. The thought of jumping out of a plane sent me to the bathroom three times and kept my hands extremely moist throughout the day. I even thought of backing out for a split second. Then, I realized if I didn't do it I would always regret it. So I made a decision. I would do what I always do during difficult or stressful times, I wouldn't think about it.
I decided to just get dressed, then I just went to the store to get champagne, after that I was just driving. My whole day continued like this. Just a series of extraordinary moments and everytime I would get the thought of impending doom I would just focus back on the present.
Ok, now back to my original point. How is this like death? Well, everyone of us knows we are going to die but we don't think about it. Then, the day finally comes when death is at the door. We know its close. Again, the "thought" of it could send us to the bathroom lk 20 times and keep 100 peoples hands moist for 20 years. With sky diving your thinking "what if the shoot doesn't open?, what if the clips that are holding me to the guy with the shoot snap, what if it hurts???"...When a person is close to death, they think, "what if it hurts, will my family be ok, Im not ready..."
Ok, so now it's time to jump out of the plane, how did you get 13,000 feet in front of an open door? Easy, you just kept putting one foot in front of the other. When the moment finally comes, I swear to you, you don't even remember jumping. You are just free, at peace, filled with happines,exhilaration, adrenaline, calm. I imagine this is what dying is like.
With sky diving there is a strong attachment to the ground, and in death there is a strong attachment to the living. In both cases, if you can release the attachments you open yourself up for an amazing opportunithy for growth and change.
One day you just die. Will you be the person who fought anxiously every step of the way? Or will you just suck it up, enjoy the present, plant one foot confidently in front of the other, jump and enjoy the ride? I hope that like in skydiving when the time comes for me to go I can just jump with my eyes and heart wide open knowing I enjoyed every moment, kiss, touch, sound, hug and tear.
-to my mama bear who has taught me how to LIVE...and who makes every hug the best;)
Ladies PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU!...Do yourself a favor and "Unstick yourself from Stupid"
OMG, to many of my friends are "Stuck on Stupid". They are in love or pining over men who don't deserve it,men who have moved on and don't think about them at all. Today my bestie confessed that she is finally over her ex. They have been broken up for 7 YEARS,7 YEARS! hes practically engaged with a girl who couldn't hold a candle to my bestie and my bestie is barely getting over it?...Que? Como?
How do super awesome women get stuck on stupids? You know the guy with no car, no job but a smile that could melt your heart, the guy who can't even afford to buy you dinner but manages to run away with your soul. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against losers, Ive had my share, but if the guy is a loser and isn't even giving you what you need emotionally...MOVE ON!. Don't waste the pretty, Don't waste the hot tits and ass, don't waste your youth on a man who doesn't deserve it!
Your probably saying, "easier said than done, Im not that hot, Im not that smart, Im lucky I got the loser, This man touched me, No one gets me like he does"..WRONG!. Every woman no matter how hideoous deserves to be loved properly and will be loved properly if they can only learn to accept they deserve it. I believe that if you really want something you will get it.
If you believe in God, ponder this, why would he or she put you on this earth to be lonely. The problem with people today is they don't have enough faith in good, everyone jumps straight to the negative. So, here's my advice, open your heart, open your mind, stop thinking you were'nt good enough for him, because honey, it was he who was not good enough for you thats why he's with a girl who's a loser just like he is. You know the old saying is true. Birds of a feather flock together. Maybe the problem was you, you were so magnificent you outshined him. He was blinded by your fantasticness, it bruised his ego and his insecurities overpowered him and he settled for the simple girl to complete his simple life of beers, games and montony.He found the "Marge" to his "Homer", now you get out there and get the "Brad" to your "Angelina"
So ladies, I hope this helps you find the beauty in yourself, live your life, figure out what makes you happy without a mate. Do you, put yourself out there and the right guy will come. Trust me one day when its all said and done you will find yourself walking by the guy who once made your heart leap out of your chest and your only thought will be..."Damn He Got Fat!".:)
How do super awesome women get stuck on stupids? You know the guy with no car, no job but a smile that could melt your heart, the guy who can't even afford to buy you dinner but manages to run away with your soul. Now don't get me wrong I have nothing against losers, Ive had my share, but if the guy is a loser and isn't even giving you what you need emotionally...MOVE ON!. Don't waste the pretty, Don't waste the hot tits and ass, don't waste your youth on a man who doesn't deserve it!
Your probably saying, "easier said than done, Im not that hot, Im not that smart, Im lucky I got the loser, This man touched me, No one gets me like he does"..WRONG!. Every woman no matter how hideoous deserves to be loved properly and will be loved properly if they can only learn to accept they deserve it. I believe that if you really want something you will get it.
If you believe in God, ponder this, why would he or she put you on this earth to be lonely. The problem with people today is they don't have enough faith in good, everyone jumps straight to the negative. So, here's my advice, open your heart, open your mind, stop thinking you were'nt good enough for him, because honey, it was he who was not good enough for you thats why he's with a girl who's a loser just like he is. You know the old saying is true. Birds of a feather flock together. Maybe the problem was you, you were so magnificent you outshined him. He was blinded by your fantasticness, it bruised his ego and his insecurities overpowered him and he settled for the simple girl to complete his simple life of beers, games and montony.He found the "Marge" to his "Homer", now you get out there and get the "Brad" to your "Angelina"
So ladies, I hope this helps you find the beauty in yourself, live your life, figure out what makes you happy without a mate. Do you, put yourself out there and the right guy will come. Trust me one day when its all said and done you will find yourself walking by the guy who once made your heart leap out of your chest and your only thought will be..."Damn He Got Fat!".:)
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Falling in Love....with Oakland and myself.
Ok, Ok, ok, so looks like the perfect guy just isnt out there, or maybe im not a normal girl. The investment banker, to clingy, and the sound of his voice made me wanna puke, The efficiency expert,too handsome, smart sweet, to good to be true, The Doctor.,great entertainment center and killer house but I just cant see myself drinking soy nut shakes for the rest of my life.
In the last 6 months I've dated most women's idea of the dream catch..and I all I seem to do is throw these poor bastards back in the water. So, Ive decided to date myself. Less stress, no awkward its not you its me conversations, and I can always make myself cumm. Only downfall, is now I have to buy my own dinners, wamp, wamp, wamp.
Today, I woke up and decided to go for a walk around the lake, at the lake I saw the farmers market and decided to explore. There are so many awesome booths to explore. my favorite was the holistic booth with all the herbs. I would. Bought some bitter root elixir crap supposed to be good for my nerves and my sleep, both havent been very good lately.
After farmers market stopped by sacred well a cool metaphysics shop, had a great convo w/ a hippie artist and made a wish baggie for my mama bear. Lit a candle said a prayer and learned more about the universe and myself.
Once I was done curing my insomnia and mom I was off to row a boat at the lakehouse...Once in the boat, I quickly learned I dont know how to row, so I taught myself. Had the best most relaxing time. When I returned,I was informed I was rowing backward the whole time. I would.
Finally, after hours of walking, rowing, curing, and pretty much exauhsting myself
I decided to walk home...but of course on the walk home I run into a cuban salsa dance party in middle of lake so I decided to stick around and enjoy music and watch the dancing, picked up a flyer and will be taking lessons on Tuesday.
Ok, now, I was finally ready to go home, but wait oh wait i'm starving and there is an organic Ice Cream truck!...WHO KNEW!?...so I stopped again and bought an organic strawberry pop. Only in Oakland, can u get hippies in a truck selling you 3 dollar Ice Cream, and you will be more than happy ecstatic in fact to buy it.
Now, finally time for me to finish my walk home so I continue down the lake towards Park and E22nd. On the way home my lover, "Oakland" continues to be the best boyfriend yet and so good for my self esteem...On the walk home all I hear is, "Damn girl you fine", "Damn","Will you marry me" and my favorite "I love those big ol'titties".Yes, I love Oakland and Oakland LOVES me;)
In the last 6 months I've dated most women's idea of the dream catch..and I all I seem to do is throw these poor bastards back in the water. So, Ive decided to date myself. Less stress, no awkward its not you its me conversations, and I can always make myself cumm. Only downfall, is now I have to buy my own dinners, wamp, wamp, wamp.
Today, I woke up and decided to go for a walk around the lake, at the lake I saw the farmers market and decided to explore. There are so many awesome booths to explore. my favorite was the holistic booth with all the herbs. I would. Bought some bitter root elixir crap supposed to be good for my nerves and my sleep, both havent been very good lately.
After farmers market stopped by sacred well a cool metaphysics shop, had a great convo w/ a hippie artist and made a wish baggie for my mama bear. Lit a candle said a prayer and learned more about the universe and myself.
Once I was done curing my insomnia and mom I was off to row a boat at the lakehouse...Once in the boat, I quickly learned I dont know how to row, so I taught myself. Had the best most relaxing time. When I returned,I was informed I was rowing backward the whole time. I would.
Finally, after hours of walking, rowing, curing, and pretty much exauhsting myself
I decided to walk home...but of course on the walk home I run into a cuban salsa dance party in middle of lake so I decided to stick around and enjoy music and watch the dancing, picked up a flyer and will be taking lessons on Tuesday.
Ok, now, I was finally ready to go home, but wait oh wait i'm starving and there is an organic Ice Cream truck!...WHO KNEW!?...so I stopped again and bought an organic strawberry pop. Only in Oakland, can u get hippies in a truck selling you 3 dollar Ice Cream, and you will be more than happy ecstatic in fact to buy it.
Now, finally time for me to finish my walk home so I continue down the lake towards Park and E22nd. On the way home my lover, "Oakland" continues to be the best boyfriend yet and so good for my self esteem...On the walk home all I hear is, "Damn girl you fine", "Damn","Will you marry me" and my favorite "I love those big ol'titties".Yes, I love Oakland and Oakland LOVES me;)
Friday, July 30, 2010
SO TRUE................Carrie is like the Dalai Lam of relationships;)
“Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you can find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.”
Carrie from SATC best quote EVER!
“I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, all consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love.”
Sunday, July 25, 2010
YOU MAY THINK YOU KNOW ME....
I hate when people make assumptions on you based on a couple of conversations and brief interactions. I think it's naive, immature and stupid. No one can ever really know another person let alone tell other people they have them all figured out. So I decided to write this.
You Think You Know me but You Don't
You think I'm dumb because I keep it light, but thats alright, because thats what I want you to see.
You think you frighten me with your stares, but thats alright, because thats what I want you to believe.
You think I think your the most interesting person in the world and thats ok because thats how I want you to feel.
You think i'm crazy,maybe I am, but it's fun to be crazy. It keeps you on your toes.
You think I don't care, maybe I don't, but at least I don't pretend to either.
You think I care to much,you think I love,You didn't know that in a second I could cut you out of my life and never look back.
You think I'm immature, but living life to the fullest and laughing like a kid doesn't make me a kid.
You think I'm sad. Im not.
You think my Joy is fake. It isn't
You think you can make me feel small. You can't. I laugh at you when you try. My friends snicker at the ass that you are when you try to make them belive lies.
You think Im a joke, guess what I think you are too.
You think you've won, that karma will get me. What you don't know is I only learn and never suffer. I'll keep making lemonade so keep the lemons coming cause my sunshine doesnt fade.
You can't stand me, Thats great, misery loves company and im not miserable so it's a compliment not to be liked by YOU.
I think I know you but I don't
I see the mask you saw in me that we see in others like a disease...............
You Think You Know me but You Don't
You think I'm dumb because I keep it light, but thats alright, because thats what I want you to see.
You think you frighten me with your stares, but thats alright, because thats what I want you to believe.
You think I think your the most interesting person in the world and thats ok because thats how I want you to feel.
You think i'm crazy,maybe I am, but it's fun to be crazy. It keeps you on your toes.
You think I don't care, maybe I don't, but at least I don't pretend to either.
You think I care to much,you think I love,You didn't know that in a second I could cut you out of my life and never look back.
You think I'm immature, but living life to the fullest and laughing like a kid doesn't make me a kid.
You think I'm sad. Im not.
You think my Joy is fake. It isn't
You think you can make me feel small. You can't. I laugh at you when you try. My friends snicker at the ass that you are when you try to make them belive lies.
You think Im a joke, guess what I think you are too.
You think you've won, that karma will get me. What you don't know is I only learn and never suffer. I'll keep making lemonade so keep the lemons coming cause my sunshine doesnt fade.
You can't stand me, Thats great, misery loves company and im not miserable so it's a compliment not to be liked by YOU.
I think I know you but I don't
I see the mask you saw in me that we see in others like a disease...............
favorite poem
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.
In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.
Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.
It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
William Ernest Henley
Pink Laptop where R U?
My search for a pink laptop has proved even more exhausting than my search for the perfect man, both seem to be non-existant. Maybe its me, maybe my expectations are to high. Well, I didn't settle for the wrong guy and so now I won't settle for the wrong laptop.
I have been to every store in the bay area in search of the elusive pink laptop and none have it. Now, I am seriously considering getting it online, hey you can get a man online why not a laptop. The only problem is like the men online its a crapshoot. What if its defective, what if the UPS guy man handles it, what if its a level 7 clinger or it smells bad,what if the hardware is defective?
Today, I was so close yet so far away. I thought a pink vaio netbook would cut it, just like I thought a 21yr old boy would cut it, but like the boy, the netbook fell short. First of all the sales guy couldnt even take it out of the box so I could see how pink it was, even after my homie Esther and I badgered him. Second, the processor was slow. I just couldn't settle for a slow anything.
So, the search continues. I'm going to stop looking and like with men the perfect laptop WILL eventually just come to me.
I have been to every store in the bay area in search of the elusive pink laptop and none have it. Now, I am seriously considering getting it online, hey you can get a man online why not a laptop. The only problem is like the men online its a crapshoot. What if its defective, what if the UPS guy man handles it, what if its a level 7 clinger or it smells bad,what if the hardware is defective?
Today, I was so close yet so far away. I thought a pink vaio netbook would cut it, just like I thought a 21yr old boy would cut it, but like the boy, the netbook fell short. First of all the sales guy couldnt even take it out of the box so I could see how pink it was, even after my homie Esther and I badgered him. Second, the processor was slow. I just couldn't settle for a slow anything.
So, the search continues. I'm going to stop looking and like with men the perfect laptop WILL eventually just come to me.
Sunday, June 27, 2010
Nows the time for Guts and God
After the initial shock of my mom's diagnosis I decided that I wasn't a quitter and my mom wasn't a quitter. We were gonna fight. Saturday, I took my mom to the East West bookstore and we found books on curing cancer using alternative medications. Some may laugh, but at this point I don't care. I don't care if my mom has to drink urine, go to brazil, sit in rainforest with a shaman as she smokes a blunt and he rubs mud all over her face if it helps her and doesnt poison her like radiation or chemo than what do we really have to lose?
Cancer is big business in U.S but in other countries, those that are'nt run by pharmaceutical companies, there is hope. There are alternative treatments that use herbs and diets to cure.
My mom has decided to trust God and go the alternative route. Again, I am in awe of this woman. It takes so much courage to have faith and take the road less traveled. For a while after my mom received her prognosis I kept thinking, "why her?, why her?" and suddenly it hit me. "Why not her?"...Maybe God gave her this disease because she is so strong and so courageous. Maybe God gave her a gift, to show us all what faith can do. I know now my mom will be ok. I know this because she is strong and their is hope. If anyone can come back and beat this it's my mama bear:)
Cancer is big business in U.S but in other countries, those that are'nt run by pharmaceutical companies, there is hope. There are alternative treatments that use herbs and diets to cure.
My mom has decided to trust God and go the alternative route. Again, I am in awe of this woman. It takes so much courage to have faith and take the road less traveled. For a while after my mom received her prognosis I kept thinking, "why her?, why her?" and suddenly it hit me. "Why not her?"...Maybe God gave her this disease because she is so strong and so courageous. Maybe God gave her a gift, to show us all what faith can do. I know now my mom will be ok. I know this because she is strong and their is hope. If anyone can come back and beat this it's my mama bear:)
Heartbreak
Thursday, June 17th, started off like any other day. I was excited to see Mexico defeat France in the world cup, equally excited to ignore the guy who's been driving me crazy for over a year, who I'd FINALLY deemed dead to me after a heated,drunken argument I had mostly with myself through text.
My day at work flew by and I enjoyed an amazingly awesome commute on a warm brisk summer day to San Jose. I got home feeling accomplished and excited to cohost a spanish radio show with my friend. A sense of peace engulfed me as I pulled into my parents house. Coming home always makes me happy. Seeing the perfectly manicured lawn with rose bushes on either side and the two story house surrounded by trees in an uppermiddle class neighberhood in San Jose makes me feel proud of all that my parents have accomplished.
I pulled into the driveway excited to see my little sis sitting in the front, She's always so busy with work and her BF that coming home and seeing her makes my day even more. I can't wait to talk to her about the game and to tell her about the boy. I know she will be proud of me for ignoring him, but mostly she will listen patiently as her overly dramatic older sister vents, yet again, about "the boy".
As I approach my sister, I begin to notice she is sad and crying. I immediately think she has had a problem with her boyfriend. I ask whats wrong and she hesitates. I begin to guess, all my guesses are wrong. Suddenly she says it, "Mom's cancer spread. The Dr. just called and now its in her lung liver and spine". In that moment all that ever mattered didn't. I remembered what the Dr. had said in the past. "If it spreads its stage 4. terminal". His words from our last consultation raced through my mind and I felt my heart aching, screaming, tearing.
This COULDN'T be happening to me!NOT ME! NOT MY FAMILY!.NOT MY MOM!NOT MY MOM!..After our last consultation we thought we had dodged the bullet and now it was back. This group of rogue cells were threatening to eradicate my life, my family,my home. I knew from this moment on my life would never be the same. I would never be the same.
As I walk in the house and see my mom cooking, the tears start to pound down my cheeks. I can't control the overwhelming gush of sorrow that penetrates my soul. My soul mate, my mother, the woman I see more as a best friend than a mother, has been given a death sentence. My mom smiles and giggles with a twinge of defeat but keeps cooking and stays calm.
She has a quiet strength and class that I could never emulate. I have always been the free spirited, emotional, irresponsible, spoiled, loud mouth and this woman loves me just as I am.Not just that, she finds me amusing and interesting. I tell her everything. We share an openness most mother daughter teams would envy and perhaps find a little disturbing. We talk about sex, life, politics, love EVERYTHING.
My Dad, a typical macho Mexican who only has two emotions happy and angry quickly yells at me to stop crying and being so dramatic. My mother tells him its ok and hugs me tight, telling me its ok to cry. She has just been told she has a couple months to live at most and she's comforting me. Thats my mom thats my heart.
My mom puts on a brave front and then goes upstairs. My dad, suddenly starts to talk about his friend who is dying and suddenly out of nowhere this macho man breaks down, I have never seen my dad look so old and tired. He runs to the garage trying to mask his emotions but my sister and I follow and comfort him. He apologizes to me for yelling at me earlier and then just lets go.
On my drive home that night, I suddenly revive the boy and call him. How could I have been so stupid and so petty before. He doesn't pick up so I call my cousin, she doesn't answer. Im alone, my heart is breaking and Im alone.
My day at work flew by and I enjoyed an amazingly awesome commute on a warm brisk summer day to San Jose. I got home feeling accomplished and excited to cohost a spanish radio show with my friend. A sense of peace engulfed me as I pulled into my parents house. Coming home always makes me happy. Seeing the perfectly manicured lawn with rose bushes on either side and the two story house surrounded by trees in an uppermiddle class neighberhood in San Jose makes me feel proud of all that my parents have accomplished.
I pulled into the driveway excited to see my little sis sitting in the front, She's always so busy with work and her BF that coming home and seeing her makes my day even more. I can't wait to talk to her about the game and to tell her about the boy. I know she will be proud of me for ignoring him, but mostly she will listen patiently as her overly dramatic older sister vents, yet again, about "the boy".
As I approach my sister, I begin to notice she is sad and crying. I immediately think she has had a problem with her boyfriend. I ask whats wrong and she hesitates. I begin to guess, all my guesses are wrong. Suddenly she says it, "Mom's cancer spread. The Dr. just called and now its in her lung liver and spine". In that moment all that ever mattered didn't. I remembered what the Dr. had said in the past. "If it spreads its stage 4. terminal". His words from our last consultation raced through my mind and I felt my heart aching, screaming, tearing.
This COULDN'T be happening to me!NOT ME! NOT MY FAMILY!.NOT MY MOM!NOT MY MOM!..After our last consultation we thought we had dodged the bullet and now it was back. This group of rogue cells were threatening to eradicate my life, my family,my home. I knew from this moment on my life would never be the same. I would never be the same.
As I walk in the house and see my mom cooking, the tears start to pound down my cheeks. I can't control the overwhelming gush of sorrow that penetrates my soul. My soul mate, my mother, the woman I see more as a best friend than a mother, has been given a death sentence. My mom smiles and giggles with a twinge of defeat but keeps cooking and stays calm.
She has a quiet strength and class that I could never emulate. I have always been the free spirited, emotional, irresponsible, spoiled, loud mouth and this woman loves me just as I am.Not just that, she finds me amusing and interesting. I tell her everything. We share an openness most mother daughter teams would envy and perhaps find a little disturbing. We talk about sex, life, politics, love EVERYTHING.
My Dad, a typical macho Mexican who only has two emotions happy and angry quickly yells at me to stop crying and being so dramatic. My mother tells him its ok and hugs me tight, telling me its ok to cry. She has just been told she has a couple months to live at most and she's comforting me. Thats my mom thats my heart.
My mom puts on a brave front and then goes upstairs. My dad, suddenly starts to talk about his friend who is dying and suddenly out of nowhere this macho man breaks down, I have never seen my dad look so old and tired. He runs to the garage trying to mask his emotions but my sister and I follow and comfort him. He apologizes to me for yelling at me earlier and then just lets go.
On my drive home that night, I suddenly revive the boy and call him. How could I have been so stupid and so petty before. He doesn't pick up so I call my cousin, she doesn't answer. Im alone, my heart is breaking and Im alone.
In the last 6 months I have learned that....
life will test you in ways that you never even dared to imagine.
you may not always get what you want but never take no for an answer.
a good friend is worth more than 10 fake ass aquaintances.
the sun WILL AND DOES come out tomorrow.
my daily mantra I got from Finding Nemo..."just keep swimming...just keep swimming"
Don't be afraid to LOVE and LOVE hard.
Its better to have loved and lost knowing that YOU did your best to tell the other person how you felt.
Never take even a single moment for granted.
The BEST day of your life can easily turn into the WORST so cherish EVERY SECOND with those you love.
Don't OVERTHINK...life has a way of working it self out.
If u couldnt handle it you wouldn't get it.
You can draw strength from the most unlikely places.
Never stop believing in the power of miracles...NEVER
You may lose the battle but never admit defeat.
When life tests you you will be amazed at how succesfully you can rise to the challenge.
you may not always get what you want but never take no for an answer.
a good friend is worth more than 10 fake ass aquaintances.
the sun WILL AND DOES come out tomorrow.
my daily mantra I got from Finding Nemo..."just keep swimming...just keep swimming"
Don't be afraid to LOVE and LOVE hard.
Its better to have loved and lost knowing that YOU did your best to tell the other person how you felt.
Never take even a single moment for granted.
The BEST day of your life can easily turn into the WORST so cherish EVERY SECOND with those you love.
Don't OVERTHINK...life has a way of working it self out.
If u couldnt handle it you wouldn't get it.
You can draw strength from the most unlikely places.
Never stop believing in the power of miracles...NEVER
You may lose the battle but never admit defeat.
When life tests you you will be amazed at how succesfully you can rise to the challenge.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Revolutionary Road
I have never identified with a character more than I identify with April from "Revolutionary Road". April, is a young woman with big dreams. An aspiring actress who's ambitions fall short.She ends up settling into an average life. After settling, she feels empty and incomplete. The monotony of her everyday American existence peels away at her spirit. In an attempt to save her sanity she convinces her husband to move to Paris so they can lead a richer, fuller, and most importantly, less average life. He agrees and she is ECSTATIC.
After a series of unfortunate events squash the couples hopes of relocating, April falls into a hopless depression. I won't spoil the movie for anyone who wants to see it but April's fate aint good:(.
This movie, and April's characer in particular, spoke to my soul. It made me look deep and see where my own personal feelings of hoplessness lie and what I can do to change them. I have come to realize that I do things to fit some sort of ideal and it's not healthy. It eats away at me everyday that I do it, and why? what for? Because society, my parents, my friends expect it from me. Iv'e decided that from now on I will not do whats expected of me, because even when I do that not everyones happy. I will live my life for me and no one else. If my parents and family think I'm a loser, oh well, EFF them, they aint payin for my therapy!
In life, going off the reservation is scary and dangerous but it is ESSENTIAL, for some, not all.It's funny because as children we are brainwashed to believe that if we do not hit certain milestones, lk marriage and family we are inadequate, old maids, eccentrics losers. We are conditioned to think less of those incredibly brave people who decide not to marry the wrong person or to buy the house just to be tied to a job that they hate to maintain it. Many people are perfectly fine working from 9-5, coming home, feeding the kiddies, just to feel normal and fufilled, but not me. I want more, I need more. I will literally die inside if I don't get it.
So here it is, my wish list,
I never want to settle again!
I want to travel to every nook and cranny on this planet and get paid for it.
I want to drink a beer and read a good book on my own private balcony in spain
I want to pet a dolphin.
I want to help really really poor people
I want to be more patient and not let the little things get to me
I want to listen to myself, and not let myself be influenced by outside sources
I want to be healthy and good to my body
I want to exercise everyday
I want to love and be loved deeply and fully
I want a partner in crime who is smart, passionate, fun, patient, hot and eager in the sack, and most importantly loves the crap out of me and isn't afraid to show IT!:)
I want to learn something new everyday for the rest of my life
I want to go to a world cup
I want to live in another country for at least six months
I want friends on every continent
I want to laugh so hard I pee
I want to make a president laugh and blush all at the same time
I want to stand in the middle of a hurricane
I want to go to afghanistan
I want to make my parents proud on my terms
I want to stay in an ASHRAM in India for at least a month
I want to have a truly religious experience
I want to spoil my nieces and nephews
I want to be able to put my parents in a damn good home, KIDDING, it doesnt have to be damn good, ok will do:)
I want to visit my relatives more
I want it all and not be afraid to go out and get it
I want to listen to my heart everytime w/ no fear
I want to say. "Fear, eff you I'm gonna live!
I want to live free or die hard trying!
After a series of unfortunate events squash the couples hopes of relocating, April falls into a hopless depression. I won't spoil the movie for anyone who wants to see it but April's fate aint good:(.
This movie, and April's characer in particular, spoke to my soul. It made me look deep and see where my own personal feelings of hoplessness lie and what I can do to change them. I have come to realize that I do things to fit some sort of ideal and it's not healthy. It eats away at me everyday that I do it, and why? what for? Because society, my parents, my friends expect it from me. Iv'e decided that from now on I will not do whats expected of me, because even when I do that not everyones happy. I will live my life for me and no one else. If my parents and family think I'm a loser, oh well, EFF them, they aint payin for my therapy!
In life, going off the reservation is scary and dangerous but it is ESSENTIAL, for some, not all.It's funny because as children we are brainwashed to believe that if we do not hit certain milestones, lk marriage and family we are inadequate, old maids, eccentrics losers. We are conditioned to think less of those incredibly brave people who decide not to marry the wrong person or to buy the house just to be tied to a job that they hate to maintain it. Many people are perfectly fine working from 9-5, coming home, feeding the kiddies, just to feel normal and fufilled, but not me. I want more, I need more. I will literally die inside if I don't get it.
So here it is, my wish list,
I never want to settle again!
I want to travel to every nook and cranny on this planet and get paid for it.
I want to drink a beer and read a good book on my own private balcony in spain
I want to pet a dolphin.
I want to help really really poor people
I want to be more patient and not let the little things get to me
I want to listen to myself, and not let myself be influenced by outside sources
I want to be healthy and good to my body
I want to exercise everyday
I want to love and be loved deeply and fully
I want a partner in crime who is smart, passionate, fun, patient, hot and eager in the sack, and most importantly loves the crap out of me and isn't afraid to show IT!:)
I want to learn something new everyday for the rest of my life
I want to go to a world cup
I want to live in another country for at least six months
I want friends on every continent
I want to laugh so hard I pee
I want to make a president laugh and blush all at the same time
I want to stand in the middle of a hurricane
I want to go to afghanistan
I want to make my parents proud on my terms
I want to stay in an ASHRAM in India for at least a month
I want to have a truly religious experience
I want to spoil my nieces and nephews
I want to be able to put my parents in a damn good home, KIDDING, it doesnt have to be damn good, ok will do:)
I want to visit my relatives more
I want it all and not be afraid to go out and get it
I want to listen to my heart everytime w/ no fear
I want to say. "Fear, eff you I'm gonna live!
I want to live free or die hard trying!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
the last 365 days I learned.....
Money isn't everything
When you have control over yourself you can do anything
You have to stay true to yourself and your words
Friends and Family are any one persons greatest assets
Babies are still overrated
Cazadores will get you into trouble EVERY TIME,,,but its always worth it:)
Dont let your ego get the best of you.
Patience Patience Patience
When you have control over yourself you can do anything
You have to stay true to yourself and your words
Friends and Family are any one persons greatest assets
Babies are still overrated
Cazadores will get you into trouble EVERY TIME,,,but its always worth it:)
Dont let your ego get the best of you.
Patience Patience Patience
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