Im Sorry I can't, Don't Hate Me

Breaking up is hard, and believe it or not, being the dumper is harder than being the dumpee.

When you get dumped, your allowed to hate the other person, call them names, wish them the worst, plot their horribly painful death. Hmmmm, never realized how spiteful I am...I mean when your the dumpee you get to send the loser love and light and thank God for the divine intervention.Better:).

Now, when you have to dump someone, thats tough. Very tough. Not only because you suddenly become the receiver of the wrath of a man scorned, but you genuinely feel bad when you couldn't bring yourself to love the person who offered you the world on a silver platter. I guess if I could just love the guys who kissed my ass my life wouldn't be so complicated.Instead, I hurt these men and leave them broken hearted... merr:(.

I admire and pity the people who see someones good qualities, despite the fact that they are not physically attracted to the other person. They see the potential, stick it out and let the feelings develop and grow. Not me, I physically can't. It pains me to sit through conversations and dinner across from people who make me want to do anything else but kiss them. "How do these people do it?", I wonder,Is the drive for a mate so strong that they "settle". Well, I would rather be alone than not be with someone who gives me butterflies when I see them. Someone who makes me smile by just sitting there, someone who makes me want to kiss them all day.

I stay single in the hope, that one day I will meet the person who makes me feel like this and who I make feel like this in return. The guy who gives me flowers and I don't automatically feel like throwing them in his face cause I think he's being cheesey,complaining about the color, the amnt, the type. One Day.

All I know, is I won't settle because, I'm a certain age and I should. I feel 5 again. When I'm on a "perfect" date, all i'm thinking is,"I don't want this! I don't want this! I don't want this!....Sometimes I think somethings wrong with me. Why don't I want what everyone wants? Why do I throw the "list" guys away...You know the list you made right after you saw the secret.The list that specifies all the qualities your dreamboat will posess. The secret works I've been dating list guy after list guy and I DONT WANT THEM!...Again I dunnno.

I just ask that you forgive me and at least appreciate my honesty, because really, you were PERFECT, just not perfect for me.

Ive learned something this last year, about love. Love isn't a list. It isn't a set of qualities. It isn't the amount in a bank. It isn't kissing someones butt. It isn't the right clothes or smell. It just is or it isn't, like a force of nature,You just feel it or you don't. Also, even more interesting, you can love someone who doesnt feel the same thing in return. Love is magical and scary and I won't settle for anything less than the butterflies;) And you shouldn't settle for someone who doesn't feel them in return. Never try to make someone Love You.For men, Its a waste of money and for women, a waste of time. Most important lesson Ive learned in the last 6 months.