Revolutionary Road

I have never identified with a character more than I identify with April from "Revolutionary Road". April, is a young woman with big dreams. An aspiring actress who's ambitions fall short.She ends up settling into an average life. After settling, she feels empty and incomplete. The monotony of her everyday American existence peels away at her spirit. In an attempt to save her sanity she convinces her husband to move to Paris so they can lead a richer, fuller, and most importantly, less average life. He agrees and she is ECSTATIC.

After a series of unfortunate events squash the couples hopes of relocating, April falls into a hopless depression. I won't spoil the movie for anyone who wants to see it but April's fate aint good:(.

This movie, and April's characer in particular, spoke to my soul. It made me look deep and see where my own personal feelings of hoplessness lie and what I can do to change them. I have come to realize that I do things to fit some sort of ideal and it's not healthy. It eats away at me everyday that I do it, and why? what for? Because society, my parents, my friends expect it from me. Iv'e decided that from now on I will not do whats expected of me, because even when I do that not everyones happy. I will live my life for me and no one else. If my parents and family think I'm a loser, oh well, EFF them, they aint payin for my therapy!

In life, going off the reservation is scary and dangerous but it is ESSENTIAL, for some, not all.It's funny because as children we are brainwashed to believe that if we do not hit certain milestones, lk marriage and family we are inadequate, old maids, eccentrics losers. We are conditioned to think less of those incredibly brave people who decide not to marry the wrong person or to buy the house just to be tied to a job that they hate to maintain it. Many people are perfectly fine working from 9-5, coming home, feeding the kiddies, just to feel normal and fufilled, but not me. I want more, I need more. I will literally die inside if I don't get it.

So here it is, my wish list,
I never want to settle again!
I want to travel to every nook and cranny on this planet and get paid for it.
I want to drink a beer and read a good book on my own private balcony in spain
I want to pet a dolphin.
I want to help really really poor people
I want to be more patient and not let the little things get to me
I want to listen to myself, and not let myself be influenced by outside sources
I want to be healthy and good to my body
I want to exercise everyday
I want to love and be loved deeply and fully
I want a partner in crime who is smart, passionate, fun, patient, hot and eager in the sack, and most importantly loves the crap out of me and isn't afraid to show IT!:)
I want to learn something new everyday for the rest of my life
I want to go to a world cup
I want to live in another country for at least six months
I want friends on every continent
I want to laugh so hard I pee
I want to make a president laugh and blush all at the same time
I want to stand in the middle of a hurricane
I want to go to afghanistan
I want to make my parents proud on my terms
I want to stay in an ASHRAM in India for at least a month
I want to have a truly religious experience
I want to spoil my nieces and nephews
I want to be able to put my parents in a damn good home, KIDDING, it doesnt have to be damn good, ok will do:)
I want to visit my relatives more
I want it all and not be afraid to go out and get it
I want to listen to my heart everytime w/ no fear
I want to say. "Fear, eff you I'm gonna live!
I want to live free or die hard trying!

the last 365 days I learned.....

Money isn't everything
When you have control over yourself you can do anything
You have to stay true to yourself and your words
Friends and Family are any one persons greatest assets
Babies are still overrated
Cazadores will get you into trouble EVERY TIME,,,but its always worth it:)
Dont let your ego get the best of you.
Patience Patience Patience

UMPH!

ok, I have a couple friends in relationships with guys they shouldn't be with. Why shouldn't they be with them you ask. Are these guys jerks, treat them badly etc. etc.?The answer, No, these are nice guys my friends nice girls but there's no UMPH!

What's UMPH? UMPH is that tingling in your stomach when the person is close to you. UMPH is aching to be near someone when they are away. UMPH is every cell in your body jumping for joy when you see that special someone from across a room. UMPH is what makes men and women see the good in those that others have marked as hopeless. UMPH is what I can't and won't live w/out!...UMPH is what im willing to wait a lifetime for. UMPH is what makes me hope and dream,

If u aint got no UMPH you aint got NADA! Don't waste time on someone who aint UMPHING the shit out of u:)

Love For Sale

The past three days I've watched a LOT O TV, (not really proud o this but sometimes you just need to veg) and movies and a prominent theme prevails,LOVE. From Sex and the City to 2012 to the Santa Clause. Every single movie, special or sitcom is centered around the power of love. Not just ordinary love, it's mountain moving, life changing, can't live without you love and after watching your like "what the heck?" how come that shit never happens to me. It always seems to happen for other people, but what about me? Where's my prince? Where's my poor black kid from the projects? Where's my Mr. Big?

All I seem to be surrounded by is exes with new GF's who want to take ME away for a romantic wknd(I said no!)? disgruntled supervisors, macho men, narrow minded men, emotionally unavailable men, married men(Again NO!), short buses and a little brother who couldn't wait to see me so that I could give him $60 bux for some video game crap. Is my movie Love hiding or does it simply just not exist? Did the movie industry invent it to make money? Are we all just waiting to be swept off our feet in vain?....

I hope not, I hope it exists, Im gonna be patient and hold out for it. I have been lucky enough to catch a rare glimpse of this elusive power. My parents, some close friends and others have been smart,privliged and lucky enough to have been bestowed. I hope I'm worthy. I know iv'e broken my share of hearts but ive learned,, Ive been better I thnk I've had my share of losers too and know that karmicaly my debts should be paid. Now it's all about being patient and loving myself.

Funny Things I heard and Said today

Me-"mom u think Israel(my lil bro) still virgin.
Mom-"Mija I dnt want to talk about such things...but he probably is because he has the benefit of releasing himself."
Me-..What did you say?

Psychos and the people who love them...

R both crazy!:)

Sweet and Sour Sex

Getting spanked during sex is like eating sweet and sour pork, the sour sting of the spank compliments the sweet tingling in the nether regions, thats why when spanking or getting spanked its best to do it hard so as to create a greater, stronger sweet and sour effect:)...just some food for thought;)